Yesterday, I started to tell you how to not be lonely. Or rather, be sad and alone. Today, I want to expand on that a little with more strategies I apply in my every day life.
Yesterday, I mentioned getting to know yourself and how to do that. That is necessary for you to have under control before you start the next part. It helps you begin to slow down because you have to watch yourself.
Step 2: slow down. We love to be busy. See my blog on how to stop writing to see a little of what I mean about being busy. Also, if you haven't read how to not glory in the Miserable Flex (TM), read that too. Because these are both important aspects of not being lonely.
When we are sad, hurt, upset, angry--we try to distract ourselves. It can be healthy to a point. When I lost my brother, I could not sit still but I couldn't throw myself into work like others said they did when they lost someone. I had to be with my family. I had to know what my parents were doing every second of every day. I had to make sure they were ok. But that's a form of being busy. Taking charge, being in the midst of everything.
When we are lonely, we try to find things to fill a void we have. Fill that void with you instead of appointments and busy work. If you have a day off, only plan one thing for yourself that day. Wake up slowly, make breakfast and drink coffee on the couch. Do some chore or craft that is pleasing to you. Slow waaaay down. More than you think you need to. This is where it starts to suck though. At first. I know a lot of us work multiple jobs and if you slow down you do not get as many fun You Things done during the day. I know. I pack my off days (precious, rare things) with things I want to do as well as the few hours I am not at work or working: I want to play video games with my brothers and friends, read, write, catch up on at least one episode of a show, clean my ferrets, love my ferrets, visit my mum...the list is endless. And I think I have to do them all in one day.
Well, slowing down means less of that. Because I cannot do less of my jobs because I like having a roof over my head and a car. So I have to do less Me Things. But the quality of the Me Things goes up as the quantity goes down. And I enjoy them more. I still get to do two a day and that's great. But I am finally having fun playing Red Dead Redemption 2. I am loving planning out a short story again. I am savoring my time snuggled on my futon (which has too many and not enough blankets and throw pillows on it) watching Supernatural or reading a book. It just becomes better.
When these changes occur write them down! Remember, we are still keeping track of our feelings, swings, and now delights. Quality of Me Things over quantity. And it's ok if you don't get All The Things in one day.
Slow way down.