• Abigail Linhardt

Gaming For My Brain

Updated: Jul 16, 2019

Outside of depression, I don't have any official diagnosis for my brain. But I will admit, I am slow, cannot comprehend things I do not see the immediate value of (will tell THAT story one day), and 100% have to have hands on experience to learn something.

I don't like learning new things often because of my absolutely slow comprehension skills. Being called stupid is probably my biggest trigger (and I don't really have many). So I stick to what I know to avoid the ever-growing group of people who just looooove to point why what you are doing is wrong, stupid, and you are less of a human because you cannot do something. You know those people exist and you have probably run into them. You might be one of them.


I love gaming but as my brothers will tell you, I latch on to a game and I play it for YEARS. I have played Witcher 3 for almost 3 years now. I beat the game once, but then went back to a saved file to play the DLC before finishing again so I can start my New Game + with all the cool armor and weapons from the other stories. I have played Assassin's Creed: Black Flag for the same amount of time. I just love those games. I haven't branched out much. I love Far Cry 5, and other AC games.


I recently lucked into a gifted PlayStation 4. I game on my PC and use my keyboard or the Xbox controller. So you see the issue here. I haven't picked up a PlayStation controller since playing Tekken 3 and Xenogears! I set up the PS4 but didn't install the game I got with it (Red Dead Redemption 2, ironically a game I really wanted to play). When I finally did, I got through the tutorial area and then went on some mission. I died and I died and died and I couldn't make my horse walk, I accidentally fired giving away our position...it was bad. Because I could not remember any controls.


I got frustrated, of course. Angry. My brain was too stupid to hold on to the information I JUST went over. I blamed the controller; it was too different. I blamed the system: the combat system was wonky I decided. It was a reminder of how slow I am to pick things up and I haven't had that reminder in a long time because I make sure to never put myself in that position. But I powered through. This new found discipline I have this summer helping me out.

Eventually, I was having fun. I still do not know how to play yet, but I was getting it. I told myself no one was around to judge, I wasn't streaming, it was ok. And I said, "It will be fun when you get it. You ALWAYS eventually get it." And I do. Eventually, I figure it out. Then it's fun.


My point is that it is good for me. Exercise my brain in a place where people won't judge me.


Don't give up, space pirates. Push through and take your time. "You still don't get it?" and "this is taking you forever" are not things you should listen to. Do it at your own pace. We will get there when we get there and that is fine.

 © Copyright 2020 by Abigail Linhardt